I have become increasingly convinced that the art of writing polite emails is a crucial survival skill in today’s world. It’s incredible how many doors you can open when you communicate respectfully…and how many doors you slam on your own toes when you don’t.
Case in point: I recently had a problem with an online service that I had subscribed to. When I sent them a friendly, politely worded email, the company not only fixed my problem, but gave me a free extended subscription.
Granted, this is a special case. But I have more than a nagging suspicion that this (or its opposite) happens more often than many people think. For one, we are all human, and what human likes to be shouted at or bossed around, even electronically? If you received a rude or curt email from someone (even if that person did not mean to sound rude or curt), would you want to help them out?
Well, neither would your professor, classmate, or the HR personnel who conducted your job interview.
On the other hand, if you wrote polite, respectful, and kind emails, I guarantee you will get more consideration and kindness in return. I am not saying that a polite email will definitely get you an A in class no matter what. But if you are hovering on the border between an A and a B, or a B and a C, your teacher is more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt on your next essay if you’ve been in the habit of communicating with him or her respectfully and well.
So, how do you do that?
Let’s start with our most ubiquitous (common) form of communication (not including text messaging) — the email. I will start with some general tips, and include a sample email exchange at the end.
The Salutation
- Always start the first email with “Dear [Name here],” (minus the quotation marks, of course. Don’t start with “Hey” or “Hi” or “[Name here]” without the “Dear.” Especially if you are writing to a stranger or to someone who has a higher status than you do in some way (a professor, HR manager, anyone older than you)
- If you are emailing a friend, a peer, or someone you have a casual relationship with, then you can use “Hi/Hey [Name here]”
- Always address the respected recipient of your email by their title and last name in the first email (at least).
- If the person responds to your email and sign off using just their first name, then you can address your following emails to them using their first name. (see example below)
- This may seem a little odd or disrespectful to some students who may be familiar with a more respectful, heirarchical society. But there are quite a few American professors who encourage students to address them by their first names. Be careful though. When in doubt, it is better to be overly formal than overly familiar.
- If the person is not a “Professor So-and-so” or a “Dr. So-and-so,” then a “Mr.” or “Ms.” is always necessary before the person’s family name. (Example: Mr. Jones, Ms. Smith)
- Do not use “Miss.” No one uses that anymore. Miss has connotations that make people think: old-fashioned, young, unmarried, which may offend some people.
- Obviously, if the person refers to herself as “Miss So-and-so” you should address her as such…but I’ve never met a person who did this. Just so you know.
Showing Appreciation
- It’s always best to show appreciation in some way or another. At the least, the person who is reading your email is taking the time to read your email, and time is precious, you know.
- Thank you: is the generic way to show appreciation.
- Thank you so much: is a more gushy way to show appreciation. Use sparingly. No more than once per email.
- Thanks: this is more informal and can be used with friends and peers, not so much with strangers or people of higher status than you.
- It helps to be specific about why you are thankful:
- “I really appreciate [whatever they are doing for you that you are grateful for].” For instance:
- Thank you for your time.
- Thank you for your consideration.
- Thank you for taking the time to [read my paper, consider my request, etc.]
Apologizing
- If you’ve done something to apologize for…for example, you are late replying to an email, be sure you acknowledge and apologize for your wrong: that you held someone up and understand that you inconvenienced them.
- “I’m sorry” is usually better than “I am sorry” which sounds somewhat stilted and possibly too formal. You can say “I am so sorry,” which can be a little gushy and therefore slightly less formal and usable.
- If you really did sommething wrong, you can say “I am terribly sorry.” The more words you use before the sorry, the more sorry you are expressing yourself as. This is how you can increase the seriousness of your “sorry”:
- “Sorry”
- “Sorry for being late”
- “I’m sorry for being late”
- “I am so sorry for being late”
- “I am so terribly sorry for being late”
- For more ideas about how to apologize well, see http://www.sorrywatch.com
Signing off
- Email endings include a sign off + a comma + your name. Here are some appropriate sign offs:
- Sincerely:
- This is the most generic sign-off. It works for every situation and everyone. It’s respectful and friendly and used so often that
- Best, Regards:
- These are respectful, but slightly more curt and formal and less friendly than “Sincerely.”
- Best wishes:
- This is a slightly friendlier version of “Best,” but it’s trickier to use, because best wishes literally means that you are wishing someone the best. But that may make people wonder…best of what?
- Warmly, Cordially:
- These are rarer sign offs. They’re friendlier than “Sincerely” and “Best” but you can use them on almost anyone. Just don’t overuse them, because they’re not as neutral and common as “Sincerely” or “best.”
- Sincerely:
- Try to vary your use of these sign-offs. Don’t end every email to the same person with the exact same word, especially if it’s “warmly” because that tends to be a little less used. “Sincerely” and “best” can be used pretty heavily, but even then, you can alternate between the two.
- If you are writing a super informal email to a friend, you don’t necessarily need to use one of the above sign-offs, although you can.
- For more formal emails, use both your first and last name. For a less formal tone, use just your first name. If you have already introduced yourself in the body of the email by both names, you can sign off with just your first name if you so desire.
- Avoid these sign-offs:
- Yours truly: you’ll sound too antiquated.
- Cheers: this is not an American sign-off. Avoid it if you are emailing Americans.
- Thanks: you’ll sound young, inexperienced, unprofessional. If you are emailing a friend, this is fine.
More tips
- When writing thank you notes, handwritten is almost always the best. You can do both if someone did you a particularly big favor, like interviewing you for a job or internship.
- Polite fillers:
- You know how people often say “How are you?” or “How’s it going?” as a polite greeting? This can be done in email form too.
- You can put polite fillers in the beginning of an email to start politely, or at the end of the message to leave your email reader with a friendly impression. Here’s how:
- You can wish people well by literally writing: “How have you been?” (but this is slightly informal, so keep reading)
- Or you can indicate that you hope you find them well: “I hope you’ve been well” or “I hope you’ve been having a great week so far!” (can be used in the opening of an email)
- Or you can say that you hope they will be well: “I hope you have a great weekend” or “Have a wonderful Thanksgiving break.” (can be used before closing an email)
- That said, try to keep emails short, when possible. Most people get too many emails anyway. Don’t overuse polite fillers, only use them if your email is sounding too short and rude and you really need a filler to soften the tone.
And finally, an example:
This is a fictional back-and-forth between a student and her TA, written in a slightly informal yet respectful tone.
From: studentsarah@somedomain.com
To: janesmithTA@somedomain.com
Date: September 21, 2017
Dear Ms. Smith,
I really enjoyed talking to you during office hours yesterday. Thank you for offering to look over my internship application essay. Please find it attached. I appreciate your taking the time to give me some pointers and look forward to hearing what you think!
Sincerely,
Sarah
From: janesmithTA@somedomain.com
To: studentsarah@somedomain.com
Date: September 22, 2017
Hi Sarah,
I can’t wait to read your essay! Can you send me your resume as well?
Best,
Jane
From: studentsarah@somedomain.com
To: janesmithTA@somedomain.com
Date: September 25, 2017
Dear Jane,
Thank you so much for your email. My apologies for the late reply! I have attached my resume as you requested. Thanks again for all of your help, I truly appreciate it.
Warmly,
Sarah
Sarah Edits ESL 